Men, Be intentional

No one wants to live in a place of uncertainty….be clear. Great post.

Put God first and you will never be last.

You know what?

I have this idea that boys should be taught the subject of being intentional.

No matter what people think or say I believe that men, when finally ready to pursue a relationship, should take the responsibility for the relationship (no matter what stage) and be intentional.

(First things first, the title of this note should be “the call for intentionality” but I found out that the word intentionality is a philosopical concept and has a different meaning to what I was thinking, but just for the purpose of this note, whenever I use the word “intentionality”, what I really mean is “being intentional”.)

Yes. Being intentional.

Okay. You might have no idea of what I am talking about.

Let me give you some phrases for you to understand where I am going with this.

“I am not sure if he really just like to give compliments or he is…

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Hello Backseat Driver…..

I went to Dictionary.com to gain the official definition for “Backseat Driver”. The definition given was: noun 1. an automobile passenger who offers the driver unsolicited advice,warnings, criticism, etc., especially from the backseat. 2. any person who, by means of criticism, unsolicited advice, … Continue reading

A Helper needs to be Selfish…..sometimes.

Resting

When I wake up in the morning, my thoughts are selfless. How can I impact my community today? Who’s life can I touch today in a positive way? In what way can I make someone’s day better? Everything I do daily involves others. There is hardly anything I do that removes me from my community. When your life is consumed with others, it’s a lot of pressure. Once you position yourself as someone that people can consider an outlet, an example, etc., it seems like you have no room to fail. You have no time for anything else. You have nothing left for…YOU.

I can honestly say I’m tired. No I’m not tired because I ran a half. No I’m not tired from staying up late. I’m pretty much tired, exhausted, drained because I dedicate a lot of my time and energy into others. When I evaluate my schedule and think about everything I’ve done during the week, less than 20% is dedicated to me OR rest. In result, I feel stretched thin to the point that I sacrifice my own comfort so I can contribute to the lives of others. Don’t get me wrong, I am satisfied and fulfilled when I help others. I feel it is a major part of my purpose. On the contrary, I honestly don’t know what would be satisfying or fulfilling in accomplishing something that that is strictly for me. THAT’S A PROBLEM. 

I wonder, how can I possibly be completely fulling to others if I don’t know how to be fulfilling to myself? Sure I accomplish a lot of things. I am able to wake up with a smile on my face. Is it always genuine? No. I am able to complete tasks that are thrown my way from my counterparts. Are they completed to my best abilities? Sometimes. I can lend my ear to someone and hear about their problems or a situation they are going through. But am I listening? Who knows. I’ve come to the realization that because I neglect to serve myself, I have served others in a mediocre way. I’m not giving my best anymore, I’m giving what’s left. Sometimes it gets the job done, sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve heard countless times from people who know me well that I need to rest To some, that would be easy. Setting time aside for yourself is something that many already do. While others struggle with it. The first thought that comes to mind is, if I don’t then who? This is a control issue. I need full control and I need to be in in the loop at all times. Problem number one. Another thought is, what will I do if I’m not helping others. I classify myself as Helper. I help others in every way possible, that’s what I do. At this point, I don’t see myself needing help. So then I question what I would do for myself? This too is another issue. Final thought is, it’s selfish of me to think this way. Not only do I fear that I will begin to see myself as a selfish person, I fear that those close to me will label me also. Yet again another issue. 

Let’s address these issues:

  1. Control Freak
    1. You must understand that you will never know everything that is going on. You will never have control over everything either. It’s okay to let things go. Sometimes there is beauty in the unknown. When you think you are controlling something, it can actually be controlling you. Learn to let it go. 
  2. Help YOURSELF
    1. Just because you’re helping people doesn’t mean you don’t need to help yourself.  You can’t keep taking on things to do and not do things for yourself. Your help is in rest. Your help is in self-reflection. Your help is in taking time out for yourself to re-group. There’s value in this. Once you invest in yourself, you can actually invest more into others. 
  3. It’s okay to be selfish
    1. To society, the word selfish sounds bad. It’s also foreign to those who are helpers. Sometimes its difficult to even think about being selfish. It’s also scary because you’re fearful about what others think. But those who understand your worth, value and your investment should encourage you to have a selfish moment every once in a while. If they don’t, be understanding that they may not see all that you do for others. But also be weary that they may not appreciate it either.

With all that being said, this is definitely a selfish moment. I wrote this because I struggle to find my rest. I struggle to help myself. I struggle to think about me. But I do believe that having a moment to sit and actually think things through really put things into perspective. To write is releasing to me. Rest does not have to be typical. So what does your rest look like? 

 

Still Single

 

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It’s amazing how God works….Let me share this quick blessing to start off your week. 

 

So, Saturday night, I decided to stay in. I was exhausted from a Kids Clinic I participated in and I didn’t have enough energy to also entertain my fellow peers. Needless to say, I was completely okay with staying in because my energy was invested in the future. As I laid in bed watching some movie that Lifetime was showing, I was deep in thought. I was thinking about the fact that at 24, this beautiful, successful and ambitious woman is STILL SINGLE…I sat there puzzled wondering why. I think of myself to be ideal for any man that seeks a woman with substance but I keep getting passed by. This put me in the mode of questioning rather what I think of myself is actually true. The cliche statement “Good guys finish last”  does not trump the fact that “Good women are not even in the race”. That was my thought at the time. I started to think are my standards too high….I don’t believe so. I just want a man passionate about God, ambitious, trustworthy, confident and worthy to lead. Is that too much to ask for?

 

Anyways, so I’m laying there with these poisonous thoughts. The fact that I am asking why is my first mistake. I should never question what’s happening in my life because I know it’s happening for a reason. There is purpose in not having a man at this moment… My second mistake, I started to question myself. I started questioning rather I’m beautiful…rather men see me valuable/worthy….etc. Last but least…I completely remove women like myself out of the “race for love”. Ridiculous. So my answers to these mistakes…First off, understand that with persistent prayer God will make things that you NEED happen on His own time and His own will. I attended church which was about Slow Miracles Happening Overtime With Persistent Prayer. I wondered, have I been praying on a CONSISTENT basis for a man of God? I don’t think so…(Also, let me mention the fact that I was about to miss service yesterday because my body was sore. But I heard LOUD AND CLEAR God told me to GO….Because the message was CLEARLY for me. I was also about to visit another church but He also told me…if it’s not broken why try to fix it? I hear you Father…) Next on my list…I need to refrain from getting into the questioning phase. Deep down I know my worth..No situation should ever have me question myself. I am completely happy with myself inside and out. I love me! Lastly, my whole thought process about the whole “race” thing. Good women are not out of the race…We are so far ahead it’s hard for the others to catch up. It’s that simple.  As soon as I said we are not in the race, I belittled our worth. 

 

To sum everything up…if you are single and you’re unsure why, think about it this way, great things come to those who wait (cliche, I know..). To be honest, I haven’t been in a relationship in YEARSSSSSS… Yes I had potentials, distractions, etc….but that’s it. I remember praying for God to steer me away from anyone that will waste my time or distract me from my greater purpose. He’s answered my prayer but now I need to receive the answer. Ladies I honestly think, we are so bent on making things happen RIGHT NOW, but we get discouraged when they don’t. We are a RIGHT NOW generation.. Be patient and wait! Accept the fact that you are single. It is okay! Use this time to make yourself happy. Validate yourself and build into other women who are struggling with it (because this IS a universal problem). When you see others happy with their significant others, be happy for them! But be ecstatic for yourself because when it is meant to be, your King will come! 

Thanks for taking the time to read! 

It’s Monday! Set the tone for the week!