I’ve been going through some situations that are not ideal. In the midst of my season, I fail to let emotions out because I feel it showcases a sign of weakness. Now let me backup…when I had everything together, I found myself as the glue or the rock for other people around me who may be going through their own struggles. So…now I have this mentality that that’s my purpose regardless of what I MYSELF may be going through. I’m so use to being strong for everyone else to where I forgot how to showcase emotions when it comes to my own life.
Today, after having a conversation with a couple of remarkable women in my discipleship meeting, I learned the importance to be sad, mad, cry. I realized that I’ve been trying to be so strong to where God is most likely looking at my situation saying, “Oh so you’re strong huh? Well you don’t need me. Continue to be strong my child.” My need to be strong made me forget that I am a CHILD of God above all. I must be open to myself and my Father and let him know, I don’t have all the answers, I don’t have all the tools, I don’t know what to do and I need you! He wants to hear it, know it and see it. My strength was a shield masking how I really felt about my current status in my life. To be a child means that you won’t have everything you need to get it right all the time. You need someone to guide you through your journey. So often we try to guide our own way and end up walking into places we don’t belong. Carrie knew what she was talking about with this song. Some journeys are too difficult to go on your own. Learn to let go of that control.
Now let me be clear, after I shed those tears and became vulnerable with my sisters in discipleship, I realized that I was not being weak by any means, I was just being realistic. Everything is not put together and there is only so much I can control before my strength is just not enough. I feel it was important for me to have that moment of realization to actually be stronger. I have an understanding of my season and why I’m going through what I’m going through which is the beauty about it. I’ve prayed for months for clarity and He has allowed me to finally walk my journey fog free. No longer am I telling people, all you need to do is be strong through your storm. You’ll be okay. Get a coke and smile. In reality, that’s not easy for someone who’s been typically strong. The challenge for those who have that strong mentality is to allow yourself to break. Showcase you don’t have all the answers. In reality, if you did have all the answers you wouldn’t be in your predicament, right? I learned today that you will go through your ugly phase. Being sad, having pity for yourself, shedding tears or even getting extremely mad. The great thing about that is, it’s only a phase. Once you overcome that, you’ll be able to find the joy in your storm. And trust me…when you find that joy, there’s no better feeling in the world. Now imagine having that feeling even when you’re at what feels like your lowest. It’s beautiful…
Every.Thought.In.Between 